Thursday, January 25, 2007

Small Tragedies

So, yesterday a guy jumped into, and under, our RER train. We had to evacuate. It was very upsetting. This after the usual club crawl. This time we started at Barrio Latino after walking around for an hour trying to find an non-existant cuban restaurant for an indecisive Kyle. I miss J's hands on me, especially when he's being gentle. I miss sleeping against his back when he's trying not to touch me. I miss our discoveries across the two land-masses that are us. I am a very well-loved woman. So, after the exit from the train we went to the Hammam for bathhouse treatment. I was blind and that means I was pretty well deaf, too, and didn't speak an applicable language. However my skin is now very soft because I did manage to get grommage done successfully. It was all intensely hot and my body temperature did not come down again all night. I really, really love this pen. I wonder if I should buy more ink and where will I find something for J.? I can try H&M, its aboutthe only place i can afford right about now. He's figuring out the functions on his new watch. A.D., I really like that name. If I had a boy child I would name him A.D. I wonder what it means.

I, surprisingly enough, got sufficient rest somehow yesterday because I took a nap this morning for nearly 2 hours and now I'm wide awake again. I'm letting K. have her couple of hours snooze time. She got involved in some regrettable pleasuries last night for some reason Kalle lost appeal to me. I guess something in his need to touch and lack of reserve. A.D. is very protective and that is deeply appreciated by me and K. He likes to speak English to me. Tomorrow I fly out. It's been a good trip and tonight I'll get a homecooked meal at A.D.'s place. The world is full of friends waiting to be met. So Ky. spends the morning telling me about Kalle like she invented the wheel and foreplay in the same afternoon. I'm not yet advanced enough to be mute on the whole thing. "His body is compact" - "yes, I told you that" - "He's a good kisser" - "Uh-huh, I said that too." Well, it's nearly 4 p.m., I think I'll get up and get dressed and play with my hair. This afternoon I"m going low-key and resting everything. Man do I love this fountain pen. Stylo plume is the shiznit.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Wishes for Sons

i wish them cramps
i wish them a strange town
and the last tampon
i wish them no 7-11

i wish them one week early
and wearing a white skirt
i wish them one week late

later i wish them hot flashes
and clots like you
wouldn't believe. let thee
flashes come when they
meet someone special.
let the clots come
when they want to.

let them think they have accepted
arrogance in the universe.
then bring them to gynecologists
not unlike themselves.

~Lucille Clifton

"She has what it takes to make something of herself." - Marilla on Anne

Everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING, offends my vanity. I'm not feeling expansive at all. In the least. Today I just had a full-on breakdown. Tears, whining, the works. Very tragic. I do not care to explain what business J. and I have together. Suffice it to say I'm happy. WE NEED AND DESERVE OUR OWN COMPASSION. I think, instead of modern-day romances by authors other than Nora Roberts, I might consider reading some "health and recovery" books. I need and deserve my own compassion. Today I gave myself bathhouse treatment - oiled the hair, clipped the nails, steamed in fragrant waters. i wonder if there are bathhouses in Sydney - my next destination. I shaved. Then I took myself shopping. Bought furry flip-flop houseshoes and polo shirts. I wanted to cry all week - I'm in the wrong place, but last week i was so very, very happy. i do not know why my mood has shifted, but shift it has indeed. And how. Guess my whores are moanin'. And I'm probably not getting nearly enough exercise while at the saem time demanding that I run myself all over creation trying to please and seem pleasing. I've been castigating myself over the relationship with J. and non-disclosure. But really it is not anyone's business. On that much I am clear - I am also clear that I need a nail file for my toes. Anywho. I've been trying to do so much while mourning the end of one era and feeling completely undone by the start of a new one. I needed to take it easy last week. It was a period of mourning for me. It is very difficult to provide emotional support for two other people when you're in desperate need of it yourself! Whew. "We need and deserve our own compassion." I also need and deserve to write R. I'm tired of feeling so much unsaid and so very unsure of the state of our friendship. Such is life that we are infinately better friends than even fantasy lovers. This is familiar. Maybe because it does not smack of the forbidden - I do not know. But friendship is sacred and should not be changed, even when it is challenged. So I will nudge, I will challenge him and myself to show ourselves and one another greater compassion.

Monday, January 15, 2007

I can only stay for one more day...

Great things happen when I leave the house. I'm at Simple Pleasures, reading "The Art of Getting Well" with plenty o' chai, listening to Break of Dawn by De La Soul after buying typewriter ribbon (way cheaper than printer cartridges) and seeing Hatem ( who wanted to know if I was still interested in Belly Dance. He also said I looked Egyptian, had a great figure and should talk to Sausan tonight. All of this after leaving home for five minutes - after a day inside mourning my recent breakup and the Froggy Resistance Effort (FRE!). Rue broke it down: Do not talk to, touch, marry or otherwise fiddle with Grog - he's not meeting my needs. I wonder if I will have a new career in belly dancing? Work temp or I culd waittress at the Egyptian place --- imgaing, in a few years I could be back in Egypt performing and see Grog and he wouldn't even recognize me. I could be the star to the show- the headliner. I don't know what will come, but I know it will be good.
Okay, so I get to mourn one day for every month we have dated, Grog and I. Then, Rue says, I can tell him it's over. Oh- and per Rue's prescription - a passably cute guy has showed up for me to flirt with. She said Grog won't be the last guy to fall in love with me. Oh, but I'm sad. I meant the things I said about not wanting to take on new lovers - but I also didn't act like I cared how I gave it up, my treasured, cherished celibacy. There is a woman here with a beautufiul baby. Discipline, that's what this situation is coming down to. I kept calling, frustrating myself, really. Hanging out in my house, feeling lonely, fantasizing, Frogasizing (when you make frogs better, more special than they really are) instead of honoring the anger and dissapointment I felt att the killer quick reversal to the horrible way things were. Yuch! And I'm not asking for perfection, I'm asking for greatness. I don't really want to take Salsa classes, I want to Belly Dance. They need to put on Diana Krall and let a sister groove. Will I ever listen to an album and hear a drummer the same way again? Probably not. But I think that deepens and broadens who I am and what I am capable for understanding and doing. And creating. Rue suggested I write a story "The Death of Grog", I already have my method too - both perspectives. Three stories - the meeting, love at first croak, the falling ---okay, maybe four stories: the breakup. He and I had agreed to look over one another's work and say "I Love You." It's not fair - this fantasy ending so hurtfully. If he DIED at least I could be maudlin with the stigma of victimization.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Peace is tranquility, fearlessness, and freedom: All Three

I read this and found it very, very interesting:

Children's Bill of Rights

1. To see healthy, happy adults who create a model for self-care and development
2. To live in a clean, ordered environment
3. To be educated about irreversible mistakes
4. To be guided toward healthy spiritual, financial, physical and emotional habits
5. To be given opportunity for intellectual challenge and growth
6. To be given opportunity for emotional challenge and growth
7. To be complimented regularly on physical, intellectual and emotional beauty
8. To be encouraged to think for themselves, devlop values and friendships
9. To know and see examples of happy, healthy, positive relationships - romantic, familial, and friendly

So last night was fascinating - me, Rue, Kelli stayed up til 8 a.m. talking, hashing out ideas and issues. I shared the frog book wtih kelly, she was very appreciative. I was very appreciative fo the wisdom/ideas she shared about th eimportance of building community, how necessary it is when you livein a city. Community pulls you through the hard times. I bourght up Kyle and Ray and she said "individuals are not community." Community is so important. tonight we went to Cafe Intermezzo and had a big bull session. I advocated excellene and normalcy all night long. And lifestyle - embracing our eccentricities, our soul's fingerprint. Everyone ended up saying something very real, true and compelling. C-murder spoke about the fear of loving a woman when he still feels so confused about his own life and th eplace where he has found himself. Novi talked about the the danger of living at home and allowing fear to limit your opportunities. Niambi talked about fatigue, the exhaustion of fighting your destiny and desire. Rue talked about making excuses for yourself and how it feels to finally stop. I finally understood what Harriet was saying about looking off-center to achieve your goal. When we discussed community committment and how bereft C-murder feels in the midwest where black students avoid him. Novi knows she's not giving her students what she wants to give them and my situation with misguided attempts at community building and being taken advantage of financially, emotionally, and physically by Lorog the Frog and it clicked.
When I went about paying attention to opportunities for giving that weren't linear I was able to see a place/space where I was genuinely needed and appreciated instead of the dicey proposition I started with Lorog. And in general. I knew my goal(s) and by looking around, examing my community more closely, I was able to see where and ways to fulfill and pursue my goals instead of depending on a dead end I knew would be trouble from the beginning. And I saw the power of filling myself with light, positivity and sweetness. I kept telling Niambi, "you choose excellence or not." There are medians, gradations as you learn, but always strive for excellence in your endeavors. I didn't realize I felt so strongly, but I cry at the thought of committing to less than excellence FOR and FROM myself.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Brown Skin - Up Against My Brown Skin

Goodbye Cairo! At the airport, on the plane. Have mercy, saying hello and goodbye, both in the dark. I have rediscovered spades at the behest of Rue, Beth and our newest roaddog Gene, whose name i swear I recognize. I also have an entire seat to myself - night nigh sleepy time.
Flight Time between Cairo and Amsterdam: 4 hours 30 minutes. For future reference, 97% of the Dutch population speaks English fluently (per Gene). Rue is starting to plan her expatriate move. I don't even have the heart to be jealous, I have my own life now and I am living it the best I know how. I do believe some vacations are meant to happen IN OTHER COUNTRIES. God, all I know are eligible bachelors: Gene, Dulce, Ray, T-rock - surrounded by intelligent, insightful, individual (truly) men. No one knew it, but Jim-Bob was a super-eligible bachelor as well.
I owe Beff $200 from the purchase of the bracelet. A little less - bracelet was $560 and the hotel was $1080.00. That wasn't bad at all considering 3 or 4 nights we were all over room service like whoa! Now I can practice Arabic knowing there is a practical purpose and look for medical conferences in the Arab world. I must have been super sleepy when we came to Cairo because I surely don't remember seeing the promo video for the entertainment system on the KLM plane! I have a bracelet to ward off the evil eye!
I fashioned a yoga-roll out of my spa towel (Egyptian Cotton!) and wrapped it in airline blanket plastic for the bottom of my bag. I grabbed a KLM blanket for the home collection.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Have a Piece of this Pain on a Platter

My last night at the Conrad. I have on a pure gold bracelet - absolute extravagance, with my name written on it. I also purchased some art, basically Ipaid someone's salary for 3-12 months. On the reals. We took a day tour to the Pyramids in Giza - it was just astounding to realize the power of an IDEA. We also experienced a series of sandstorms, witnessed the Sphinx, added 20 Cairo teens and 10 pre-teens to my international fan club. They Pyramids were awe-inspiring - I vowed NEVER watch tv again. Astounding - just an idea. We made friends with our tour guide Angie and plan to hang with her tomorrrow. I spent $500 on a bracelet and I am not sure how I feel about that. i spent $300 on Papyrus - basically I am flat broke after two stores. Well, three. Damn my credit card. Damn me! I will have to issue statements to the ladies post-haste because my card is nearly mased out. Ai, yawa! I am fincally changing over to CET and now it is time to go. I'm straight HOOKED on Turkish coffee and lebanese food and completely oblivious to Middle Eastern boys. And i ahve my 10-20 Monkey plan - meaning I have a 10 - 20 pound monkey on my back and the only way to lose it is to sweat and sweat a whole lot.

Now I'm in the Cai-rock airport, sinus infection and all. Of course, I wanted to remain in the hotel a slong as possible, but poor planning took over, as did nerves and stress. Hza wanted to get at the airport to pick up Roja, whome we didd meet, and someone got the none-too-bright idea tha we shold come to the airport, meet Roja's 7:00 pm flight and wait in the airport for our 3:00 a.m. flight. So, 7 hours in Ciaro's airport is what we have to look foward to. Please imagine my enthusiasm at this prospect. There isn't any. I have not seen my CC statement, but I am relieved that the hotel only cost $1000 U.S. I don't know why we coudln't stay at the hotel or hza's until 10 pm or so. Course, i also don't want to leave Cairock, this crazy Egyptian city interest and excites me - it teems with possibility. Also interesting were the ideaologies of Rue, Hza, and Beff. I guess I always take for granted two things - I blend in as often as i can and when i can't I definately use money as my fallback plan.

+One hour: I probably won't be in paris too long, everyone else wants to go straight home and if I can get a ticket, I'll probably take it. Get home a little early, earn me a hot rub-up from my little man and go the hell to sleepw ith instructions for him to wake me up for A: Food and B: A nice kenalog & recoephin shot. My Khartouch bracelet has an Eye of Horus on it to ward away envy and evil thoughts. I am protected. Oum Kalthoum just entered rotation. Rue picked up "G: - an American who lives in Amsterdam and loves it. Beff is off gathering snacks to carry back to the Plantation. I got my Egyptian crushes on, too, albeit mildly. It was cool and strangely liberating to know society was divided. Plus, I relaxed so much not worrying about men and their psychology beyond the most basic "is he decent? is he going to try to touch me?" And Phoebe Snow is on the headphones. I am seeing my first Egyptian cockroach.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Speak, So You Can Speak Again

Good Morning Cairo! The sun is warm, the car horns are honnking - we completely halted the activity of some arab construction workers when we ventured onto the blacony. Beth is now reading an article on the Giza Zoo, once the pride of Cairo, that is hilarious. Apparently the animal stench hits one before they enter the structure, chidlren are permitted to taunt the animals with sticks, food, and projectiles.

!Whew! Mon Dieu! We were just in Old Cairo for shopping. I kept the Ipod on and the music flowing. I hve to make a list of the thintgs I want to take back. Now I am sleepy and I want to take a swim in the pool - which is under construction. So now we're back at the hotel. I feel a little detached.

It seems as thought so much happens so quickly and then it is over. There is no time for the wonder and beauty of several, different rolling sensations happening through me as I sit in the passenger-side seat of my best friend's car. That was some memory (ah, the joys of high school "messing around.") I wish I felt excited about love and desire and skin. I do however like having money and opportunity and freedom.

Now rue and beth are going half on a snickers. i think I am getting sleepy, in'shallah. So many thought and one li'l ole me! We are on/or closing Day Two of Cairo.

It's Like an Island in the Middle of the Sea

FYI: Dankavele - Thank You (Dutch)

I am so proud of me. Here I got us travelling to 3 different countries in 1 day, 4 in 24 hours and we are all having such a great time. CDG was a trial - Rue's luggage was lost for 18 hours, i was tired, beth was hungry - mayhem. 2 Continents, 3 countries in 1 period of daylight hours. I am so very proud of us.

(a few hours later)

EGYPT!!! In Cairo! I am in Egypt. Gonna get halal and all the hair removed, maybe have my locks done up Egyptian style - bone straight with blond highlights. Regardless, i am committed to having an elegant, memorable vacation. We have been disturbing our neighbors with lourd music and plenty of girl talk. We are staying at the Conrad in the cheap seats. We ordered room service and we even have an old-fashioned bidet - meaning you have to wash our own ass instead of having a friendly spray of water. I am going to recruit Halima for a full-body halal - pain be damned.

The Bathroom is very european and laush. a bathtub big enough for an adult to sit in aand soak up to the armpits. marble everywhere, a glass-enclosed shower. Why is it the one I love is not the one I dream of tangling in my limbs? Life is perverse and interesting at the same time. I also get access to the Executive Center on the 22nd floor. Really, I am the impetus of this trip to Egypt - that is a special feeling, very ego boosting, to know I coordinated all of this. i think i can definately achieve ED by December this year. I may need to take Pepto Bismal with every meal. I also did not know Egypt was a bird flu country. I didn't do much research anyway.

How Could I be inconspicous when my flow is fucking ridiculous?

Wow! I am sitting in First Class on DL22 Direct Service to Paris, France on my way to Cairo, Egypt. I am sitting next to the CEO of a Danish Medical Supply company, C. Jern, with whom I've wonderful conversation. I have to STEAL the menu to describe all I've had to eat - Eggplant Ravioli with spinach sauce - freaking antipasto with artichoke hearts, marinated tomatoes, peppers and kalamata olives. REALLY!
I watched The Italian Job and Family Guy. I've been sitting in this cozy seat with footrests and private lights smiling like someone's fool and feeling like the cat who ate the canary. This is how you vacation! Mrs. Carnegie this and Mrs. Carnegie THAT! Suzanne is my server - I wish I had brought Thank you cards with me. now I am listening to Esthero and eating an ice cream sundae. C. Jern is asleep next to me, stretched out. And i feel like I just heisted 40 million dollars from someone to pay my own way and no one else is the wiser. Lord help me! This is a million dollar moment for, like, $3.95 - literally.
I'm the only black person on this flight - or so it feels. C. Jern is a huge dude. Just tall. I should ask how tall. And i met a Dutch guy on the train who was 7'. I know this because he told me - he made a point of staring me down until he could catch up with me in the terminal and strike up conversation. Me and huge European guys chatting like old buddies! My sundae is haagen daas.
Owning my own business, building my own business i the best thing ever. And how come I've never paid attention - real attention - to the clothes at Target, which are cute, stylish, and very affordable. I have on a crisp white colored shirt that I bought for $17.99. F*ck the Gap and Banana Republic - They are soulless! I bought some gold lame Espadrilles today. They spoke to me despite my ragged toenail polish. It's as thought I've had Helen Gurley Brown's voice resonating through me for a week sinc ereally committing to her book of lettters. I pass by Sex and the Single Girl daily and i hear Helen saying "You don't have to be rich to be fabulous - just have imagination and learn how to have taste." I even got lip gloss from the flight. I just have to keep myself hydrated and i will be great.
I think instead of going through customs I will try to meet Beth at her gate. It's only 9:30 in Atlanta. I could call home and burn up all of my little money. We are staying at the ultra posh Conrad Hilton on the Nile River. My espadrilles will do nicely there, I think. I have my Ipod. I am humming so's a beautiful thing. I wore heels and little paraprofessional footies! Life is so amazing. So many wonderful twists, turns, and surprises. Thankfully the pharmacist let me know the malaria pills induce crazy dreams, which somewhat explains my freakout the other night. I like to flirt with danger, but maybe I'm finally emerging from the urge to Sleep with Danger. I always have such "Hi-i-i-igh Hopes" when i start a trip. I thnk travel makes everything sexy. It's still so much about wealth, exposure, opportunity, pure braininess. I just had to hold my smile in my own hands for a few moments. I am sleepy. i wonder what time it is in Paris. CDG is a madhouse. I should study some helpful french phrases before we land. But for now i think I shall sleep. It's a miracle I'm not asleep from all the wine I've had to drink already.
How excellent for me.

Friday, January 05, 2007


So yeah, last night I hung with Zengirl, Sexywoman and Ms. Hugs and we had a great time. Me and Hugs smoked, alienating everyone, looking cool like fools on a busy street corner. We saw a capoeira demo, heard drummers, saw dancing and helped open an Afro-Cuban-Caribbean art and other stuff shop. Sexywoman got up and drummed and i got real turned on, big hands, good rhythm - who knew? So we all cold-kicked it and I asked about her mental health history, medical history and got satisfactory answers. She told me that she's also dating someone else which was slightly disconcerting (why?) but after some thought I asked the most important question - is that a primary relationship? - and it's not so I don't care cause i don't have to play second fiddle to someone else.

You know, i want what i want. Listening to Jude, you know, everthing is so much more significant to me right now. Guess a journey into madness makes you appreciative of calm and peace and quiet and the familiar. And i'm not even angry about my relationship with old Loony Toons. In fact, i can't really muster up feeling one way or another about it. It was - it is no more - it's returned to where it came from - Nothing. How blessed is that? Gonna get a new driver's license for 12 bucks. Why have I waited so long?

You know, I'm really mellowing in my old age. I've been sitting on these rocks long enough to grow a few shades darker on 1/2 of my body. Course, this is a very exciting place to sit. The water is always moving, the locals are colorful and diverse and there seems to be an abundant supply of food. Lots of good vibes. Sky above, wind around, watery future ahead. Really, what more could one colored girl ask for? Someone to massage her feet and share the silence, maybe.

When was the last time I thought about something? Like the seating versatility of craggy rocks? Who knew that you can go through every stage of easy chair comfort with an always stimulating visual experience whichever way you turn.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

New Year, New Body, New Pleasure

So I'm in NY over the weekend with my guy and made an appointment with my trainer who's now in NY to update my nutrition plan and workout so i can dump this 30 lbs. worth of excess fat that seems to have attached itself to my body.

Background information...Before the time of current boyfriend in a previous life aforementioned trainer and I had wonderful, mind-blowing, sensual extremely enlightening escapades of a physical nature other than working me...he was man perfected. perfected is just like a damn bee and of course, because he can...will flit from flower to flower to flower....drinking the sweet nectar as he went along. Me being highly jealous scorpio type being couldn't stand the openness, even with his suggestion we find playmates together and....we stopped playing.

Anyway...that was 4 years and 30 lbs. ago. Back to NEW YORK. So he works me out....HARD like he was trying to kill me. Now know...i am still EXTREMELY attracted to and aroused by this man (he smells SO DAMN GOOD) and you know how trainers have to stand behind you and help get you in the right position for certain exercises...well I was so paranoid of rubbing my bootie around on him and starting something I would not be able to stop that he had to tell me, "I know you got more sistah in you than that, stick your butt out and squat." And I did...and would occassionally brush up against something very warm, very large and very familiar...needless to say it was extremely hard to focus on my workout.. but I got through..we'd been having casual chit chat the whole way through, blah blah blah and finally got to the best part....STRETCHING!!!

As he had me lying on a bench and was slowly stretching both feet behind my head (i'm like a pretzel ... even after hip surgery)...the whole time licking his lips with this strange mouth corner smile he can do he says to me in a smooth calm voice...."i see you've let your hair grow out" and i say yes....i'm not going to cut it until it reaches my butt and he says...'not that hair'. I of course am probably turning from my usual hella yella shade to beet red and say, why is quite a bit longer since you last saw's more comfortable biking with a little extra cushion between me and the road...he stretches me further....leans into my ear and whispers....'i like that'....ok so now i'm like totally sweaty and dripping in places that shouldn't be dripping when you go to work out as he takes me into a wonderful room with no windows and a door with a lock on it where our bags were...the massage room.
OH GOD!!!! Not a door with a lock! But me being the pillar of chastity and purity that I am was not at all worried, because i
am a strong woman in complete control of myself at all times....ALL TIMES...until he closed and locked the door pressed his hand to my wet drippy spot, gave me that damn look that only he can give smelling all good and shit and i know he's not wearing underwear because he never does and their is something warm, big and hot that's not his leg rubbing against mine and says...'let me see your new hairdo'. And I, strong super Me quickly...........
Aw hell, who am I trying to kid....quickly pulled off my garments and gave him a show. Now...I THOUGHT, he'd just look. He's got this strange hair fetish down there...the more of it you have, the happier he is...well, he must've liked cuz next thing you know this glorious man, so flawless with abs of steel, piercing green eyes and smelling so DAMN GOOD proceeds to drop to his knees, expertly bury his face in my wet drippy spot and proceed to lick and kiss on me till my legs quivered and i was happy. Then he popped back up, licked his lips said he missed me and he hoped my man knew what a treasure he had and appreciated it. HUH!?! Anyway...i was still in shock and disbelief this had occurred at all seeing as I HAD BEEN
WORKING OUT FOR AN HOUR AND WAS ALL SWEATY... I think he liked it even more...what a wonderfully perverted man. I floated all the way back to midtown, lost my glasse somewhere...didn't care, had lunch and of course had to share the juicy details of my happy ending to Mrs. Carnegie, who urged me to share with you all. Do I want to leave my boyfriend now? Nope. Do I want to run off with Mr. Happy Ending? Nope. I just needed an.....adjustment. I feel MUCH better now.

LADIES! I propose a life’s little pleasures and I wish a very happy ending to you all too!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Strangle my Coworker with Christmas Tinsel!

Oh Mrs. Carnegie! I have WORK DRAMA (cue the Days of Our Lives soundtrack):

So, I have an assistant in my office who types 5 wpm and screws up the surgery schedule and she’s been feeling like she had triumphed over those of us who don’t have 6 yeas with the company because Friday she called the boss and had him tell me what was what and who was who and like whoa or something.

Yesterday, the doctor hears from four separate patients "I was supposed to have surgery months ago and no one has said anything to me about it." And he's not happy. He's a surgeon. This is pretty much why he breathes every day.

And of course he comes to ask me what the deal is. And I'm cool: Iceberg! I advise him to ask his employee who has been so insistent that she handle this responsibility. I also suggest that *maybe* he might want to inquire as to why she also fails to report pending surgeries to the billing department so that they can review the insurance requests to make sure it will go through airtight. And we won’t end up billing the patient for things insurance will rightfully cover.

He does this, and she stands there, full of chutzpah, and tells him she doesn't report to the billing department because they will double bill patients if she does it...WHAT? So, the highly trained, hyper-sensitive billing department will risk our ability to get paid at all because if she sends them a li'l piece of paper, they will think the procedure has been completed and bill the patient when usually they have to receive an operative report signed by the and delivered by the the doctor in order for verification?

You've got to be fucking kidding me?! But no, she's not kidding. She's dead-ass serious, she's got her story and she's sticking to it.

Then he tries another approach - after finding a surgery that has been waiting for 3 months (well, I handed it to him while the patient gave him an earful in the exam room). And she he tells him "well, I'm just now scheduling the March surgeries because you've been out of town so much and I have too much work to do, I have to answer phones, and I have to help the other girls and I have to drive a long way from work..."

Yeah, you have to do the same tasks as everyone else, it's just you're senile and can't or won’t complete them. There is this insane “I believe the loyal employees are the ones who are most important” thing going on here. The only reason this woman is loyal is because she’s making about 30% more than she would make anywhere else and doing roughly 1 day of work per week since he’s a surgeon and is only in the office once per week.

What kills me though is I ended up being assigned all of her work. Was her pay reduced? No. Her hours were reduced one day per week, but I didn’t get a raise for doing someone else’s job, in addition to my own, in addition to running an office and playing personal assistant and sometime indentured servant to a hyper-busy surgeon. I respect the work he does, but I feel decidedly underutilized in the work that I do. So, any advice? Obviously I have some sway in the office, I manage the place, but I’ve got a big problem in that my boss doesn’t have the heart to fire someone who is so inept that she makes my teeth hurt and my days stretch to 12-hours.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

2007: New Year Tips from Naval Fighter Pilots