Great things happen when I leave the house. I'm at Simple Pleasures, reading "The Art of Getting Well" with plenty o' chai, listening to Break of Dawn by De La Soul after buying typewriter ribbon (way cheaper than printer cartridges) and seeing Hatem (http://www.almasrirestaurant.com/) who wanted to know if I was still interested in Belly Dance. He also said I looked Egyptian, had a great figure and should talk to Sausan tonight. All of this after leaving home for five minutes - after a day inside mourning my recent breakup and the Froggy Resistance Effort (FRE!). Rue broke it down: Do not talk to, touch, marry or otherwise fiddle with Grog - he's not meeting my needs. I wonder if I will have a new career in belly dancing? Work temp or I culd waittress at the Egyptian place --- imgaing, in a few years I could be back in Egypt performing and see Grog and he wouldn't even recognize me. I could be the star to the show- the headliner. I don't know what will come, but I know it will be good.
Okay, so I get to mourn one day for every month we have dated, Grog and I. Then, Rue says, I can tell him it's over. Oh- and per Rue's prescription - a passably cute guy has showed up for me to flirt with. She said Grog won't be the last guy to fall in love with me. Oh, but I'm sad. I meant the things I said about not wanting to take on new lovers - but I also didn't act like I cared how I gave it up, my treasured, cherished celibacy. There is a woman here with a beautufiul baby. Discipline, that's what this situation is coming down to. I kept calling, frustrating myself, really. Hanging out in my house, feeling lonely, fantasizing, Frogasizing (when you make frogs better, more special than they really are) instead of honoring the anger and dissapointment I felt att the killer quick reversal to the horrible way things were. Yuch! And I'm not asking for perfection, I'm asking for greatness. I don't really want to take Salsa classes, I want to Belly Dance. They need to put on Diana Krall and let a sister groove. Will I ever listen to an album and hear a drummer the same way again? Probably not. But I think that deepens and broadens who I am and what I am capable for understanding and doing. And creating. Rue suggested I write a story "The Death of Grog", I already have my method too - both perspectives. Three stories - the meeting, love at first croak, the falling ---okay, maybe four stories: the breakup. He and I had agreed to look over one another's work and say "I Love You." It's not fair - this fantasy ending so hurtfully. If he DIED at least I could be maudlin with the stigma of victimization.
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