I loved you with a fire...

I feel Apologize by One Republic. That's all I wanted to share.
http://www.chrisbrownworld.com/node/83
I'm at my house now, with a PC so I can truly dick around with myspace instead of writing hate blogs about how much I despise the limitations.
This month I'm going to fire 2 employees. Maybe I'll hire 3 employees. I used to care and feel really bad about this, but it's kind of like a suckass emotional relationship with someone who wants you to change when you know you can't.
"I'm not afraid to fall; it means I climbed too high. Either way it shows at least I tried."
I like that quote. It's how I'm feeling in general. In crazy boss stories (and I have a pantheon, I think my first book will be called "My boss smokes crack on my desk) - I got a call early this mornng with my boss all in a froth because this lady I"m interviewing is interviewing at other places.

Uh. Yeah. That's what people do. He's all like "give her a job today!" and I"m like, "I haven't even MET this person and definately haven't run a background check..."

For the record, last time I didn't run a background check BEFORE hiring someone we learned 9 months in that she was going to Federal Prison for extortion from a credit union and had a rather messy METH ADDICTION.

Just Fine

How odd.

I just wrote a post, went to look at another page on another tab and presto-change-o, my blog was gone...

Myspace conspiracy, je ponce que oui!

Oh well, had a crap night yesterday and a fairly nasty day today. Ran into a newly minted doctor who was covering for my venerable experienced surgeon. she was crap. I think she may have been illiterate because she didn't read my surgical report(s) and told me "i don't know what's wrong with you and I wasn't in the operating room so i don't think i should do anything."

Reference: Surgical Reports. it's funny, those handy dictations aren't just useful in a lawsuit, nope, they are useful FOR OTHER DOCTORS TO READ AS WELL.

Thankfully there wasn't anything lifethreatening happening to me and I didn' thave to pay for the visit. I think I may stop filtering the thoughts in my head and just go ahead and start telling the half-ass physicians I run into exactly what I think. A few choice phrases that I've been holding on to for a while now include:

"Uh, Dr. Demented, telling a person with an invasive, chronic condidtion that she will get cured if she switches to a vegetarian diet is not only insensitive, wrong and stupid, but it will also get your license pulled for being a quack." - that I would send (and still may) to Dr. Felicia Dawson of Atlanta, Georgia.

OR

"Uh, Dr. I'm-too-busy, if a patient presents with a serious problem on some hardware that has been sewn-in by one of your associates, it's probably a good idea to read the file and find out how old the device is and whether you can take it out before an infection occurs and/or the patient has a nervous breakdown. Again, your Malpractice insurance will skyrocket if you get the pants sued off of you."

AND

"Dr. Leadhand, if your patient is on the table crying and passing out, it may be prudent to STOP THE FUCKING EXAM YOU GODDAMN SADIST."

Well, anywho, I've had a pretty pleasing day. I'm going to go get some ice cream and add benefiber to it. I'm singing a couple of songs in my head right now. Mary J. Blige's "Just Fine" and Jill Scott's "Hate on Me." Check the videos, I like Jill's cause she's basically saying you can't please the folks in the world, so you might as well work on pleasing yourself and being kind to people in general and not expect much in return.

Mary J. is channelling "off the wall" michael with this video and it's the hotness, as is the song. Don't let anything bring you down...

Hellraiser Pt. 8

My dad is sitting behind me watching, you guessed it, Hellraiser pt. 8. i don't know why, but he likes stuff like this. Why do they keep making these movies into the teens of sequels...one day I will ask some movie exec that question and find out.

Well, today I have a hotlist of things I like a whole lot and want to share with the world. I'm not feeling that hot so I'm very low-key mellow...

From Youtube is the 10.26 second rubik's cube solve:



And a naked girl: http://www.haitiwebs.com/haitianforums/gallery/browseimages.php?c=28

The naked girl pics are great. It's Garcelle Beauvais Nilon and I read this morning on People.com that she did a Playboy spread while pregnant with twins. Yah, I had to see that for myself as well. The rub is, she wasn't showing, which I felt was brilliant. And now she's given birth to her twin boys and she's happy and it's wonderful and she has her Playboy pics for posterity.

Alright, I'm going to retrieve my Buffy the Vampire Slayer video from the mail.

It's Raining, It's Pouring, The old man is Snoring

Amazingly enough I just understood this old nursery rhyme I've know just about my whole life. Now I have to google the entire rhyme in middle English and get the real scoop. As the title reads rain, pour and the old man (god, the sky) snoring - thunder.

Incidentally, did you know it seldom thunders in California, especially Northern California. i wonder why that is...freak of nature type activity. I'm from Florida, it thunders every afternoon and twice a day in the summers in Florida.

Not so much is happening on this end of the world. I'm reading Stardust and the book is legions better than the movie and I enjoyed the movie quite a bit. That Neil Gaiman is a talented something. I'm started to see some of his obsessions, he loves fairytales and mythology. Not a bad obsession, and he makes good use of it.

My love of the day is Bleu Cheese Dressing. I don't know why, I've never liked blue cheese, but this bleu cheese dressing from Marie's is so delicious, it is a reason all by itself to eat salad! I'm obsessive about it, I hope the obsession passes gently into the good night, though, as the stuff is pricey and my obsession is entirely too specific for me to keep this up.

I just had a thought of gastro-nirvana: Prime Rib with Blue Cheese Dressing to Dip and a Pat of Butter on Top.

I could ascend directly to heaven, forget all the other stuff. 70 Virgins are for the birds (do men every wonder what the heck they would do with 70 virgins, btw? Girls with bad nerves, who will cry a lot...whatever!), I want the meal I just described if I'm gonna sacrifice myself for the greater good.

I suppose we all have different motivations...back to my books.

What in the Hot Holy Hell?

Okay, check this out:
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/arts/AP-People-Beanie-Sigel.html

The only reason I clicked the link was because it said "Charges Dropped Against Rappper" and I incorrectly assumed they must've been talking about T.I.. I was listening to a T.I. song and thought I wouldn't mind hearing out the self-proclaimed "still drug dealer" managed to wiggle out of federal arms charges after attempting to purchase a few semi-automatic weapons before the BET Awards last weekend.

I was wrong. It's Beenie Siegel. And the story is f*cking hilarious. Apparently Beenie rented a 2007 Altima from Payless Car Rental. The first thing that pops into mind is the whole search process. "Man, I like them new Altimas. They hot." "yeah, look up online, go to travelocity or some shit and find me a place to rent one." "oky, Payless Car Rental, is that on Airport Road? Can you give me a ride over there?"

Then, Beenie exceeds his rental agreement. Now, the car rental company does what it do and kept charging his credit card on file. No problem. Then the rental was 20, 45 days overdue and they got a little concerned. So, they issued a warrant to reclaim the car and arrest Beenie. The day the police arrived to execute the warrant, the car was returned. Can you imagine the voicemail: "Mr. Siegel, this is Jeffrey at Payless Car Rental on Airport Road. We have moved forward with legal proceedings as you have failed to turn in the 2007 Nissan Altima in a timely fashion."

So, now my mind is wandering around the whole "was this a street cred thing?" For instance, did Beenie need an arrest to fuel album sales? Of course I have no interest in tracking his last album release, though some intrepid reader can do precisely that from the convenience of myspace, no less. I'm just wondering why anyone would allow themselve to be so monumentally hassled for no good reason. But, you know, musicians are notoriously flakey, and I don't mean that as a compliment.

That's today's laugh fest courtesy of the Associated Press. Also, Rolling Stone has a fun article on Perez Hilton. The writer worked hard to make Perez out as some sad sack loser pseudo-journalist, but you could tell (s)he was jealous to the teeth. They buried the fact that Perez generates about $250,000.00 a year from the site and has a degree from NYU in the second page. I'm sure Perez has paid off any student loans he may have generated (he was at NYU on scholarship, so maybe he came out in the clear as I did) and the writer will be paying Northwestern or Columbia School of Journalism or Missou well into the fourth decade of life.

All in all, Perez sounds awfully happy and satisfied with what he's doing and I give him kudos, he's found a passion and found people to pay him for it. That's a story with a very happy ending.

Blackberry Molasses

Well, I'm back...I don't know the last time I wrote something, there has been a fair amount of stuff going on in my head, if not my life. I've been wandering the long and lonely road of post-operative depression (again) because I had surgery (again) and it hurt (again), which I, for some reason, never really anticipate or appreciate.

I did watch Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby for the upteenth time last night. That shiz is so freaking funny. I think I will take a cue and name my kids Walker and Texas Ranger (T.R.) for short...that slays me every single time. And the discussion of crepes as "really thin pancakes." Killer.

I also took some hits about my appearance yesterday. Among the things I was critisized for: being too skinny, looking weak, and having scribbling all over my body. Now that I write it I can't believe I went through all the trouble of feeling hurt or concerned. i think I just managed to be in the line of fire of someone who was having a series of really crap moments strung together. How foolish is that: you're too skinny? Well, within the context of I've been in and out of the hospital all summer and honestly, this is the healthiest I've been in 15 years and I eat whatever I can (there are necessary limits, these have not been cosmetic procedures after all). As far as me looking weak, well, I am weak. All my physical resources are focused on a 3-inch long, 6-inch deep incision on my abdomen in addition to all the other subdermal openings I have.

As far as the scribbling, well, if I had it to do all over again I might have stopped at the first one. It is the most beautiful and glorious. The rest were results of nothing more interesting than boredom. But I don't care so much about criticism on the body art, I've heard it too much.

"I'd rather be paid than popular..." How do I feel about that statement? I've never been popular. Ever. I've been notorious, but not popular. Popular implies that you put yourself out there and I've never been good at that. I value my privacy (this she types with a straight face despite yammering on about emotions and physical ailment for the past few paragraphs).

This morning I was reading Perez Hilton's blog. I enjoy Prezzers, he's funny and flippant and has cool hair. He posted something on Angelina Jolie and her father, rather her brother making a small statement about her father. I was suprised to read all the desperately hateful comments that came in as response. People were threatening death etc. Where do people get off doing that? Apparently the folks involved in Ellen Degeneres' doggy adoption fiasco are also receiving death threats. Did I miss something here? I tend to think of people who call and say over-the-top, outrageous things like "if you don't let blah blah blah happen, you will get killed!" as weak, scared, yappiing little dogs. They are the human equivalent of chihuahas. Pepe's.

Have you noticed that? The people with the 'flame-on' personality more often than not are the least developed adn least capable of interacting with life in any sort of proactive manner? These are people to whom everything happens and they NEVER take control of their own lives. So the threats and flashing anger is just a way for them to express themselves that they somehow think is justified or okay because they feel otherwise powerless.

Sometimes I want to put them through boot camp just so they learn that they, too, can survive in this world. Then I wonder if their parents are contributing to the problem. I have to say that this suspicion could be the result of the socio-economic class to which I belong. But it seems that the kids whose parents either coddled them too long or abandoned them entirely are the hottest heads and the least able to understand coping in the world. Two sides of the same coin, I guess.

Well, spottieottiedopalicious is playing and I'm going to sit back and listen to my cells mend.

"Now who else wanna f*ck with Hollywood Cole?"

You look so healthy!

I just finished chatting with my Papa. We have good talks. I successfully completed surgery 6 for the summer and did my requisite week in La Hospital. It was interesting. These last two operations I've visited new wards and ...they weren't as prepared for me as I was for them. That's the diplomatic way of saying things. Although it would have been nice to sequester myself away on 3C there is some value to seeing different areas of the hospital.

You do know that you've spent too much time at an institution when people visit you from other areas and/or recognize you and know important components of your health history that mystify your current caregivers. You might be a sick person if...

My favorite part about the visitors was having my former surgeons/nurses walk in and exclaim "You look so healthy." I don't have enough sense of humor to be all darkwing and sarcastic about things, but I genuinely wondered just *how* bad I must have been looking before. Then I wondered if that tan I picked up in Hawaii was just *that* good...

I think the comment that I looked healthy had something to do with me being concious and having a tan. The fact that I didn't black out every 3-5 minutes probably helped. No hemorraghing. I have to remember that all of these people saw me in some decidedly dire situations and thus that is their primary impression of me. Dire-girl. Hmmm. I wonder what that means in another language.

Tonight I was wondering how many other people have read Tim O'Brian's book "The things they carried." Actually, I was thinking the book was titled "the things we left behind" and my interpretation of the title isn't that far off. The book is about the things left behind and they are symbolized by the things each character carries.

If there really are human beings (or other beings) who read this blog, I would be curios to learn what things YOU've left behind this summer. I think I've detailed a fair number of things that I abandoned this summer. I would not mind hearing from my so-called readers.

Waiting...waiting...