On boredom and coming to terms

Life is just a crapload easier when you're honest. But have you ever noticed how easy it is to deceive yourself? To either be so oblivious that you shut down every thinking part of yourself or to just flat-out lie to yourself in an effort not to acknowledge the obvious.

I think it's called ignoring the elephant in the room. I've been ignoring the elephant in the room. Lately I've gotten rather down, quite forlorn, amassing little hurts and developing a severe case of unhappiness. It broke, in a way, on Mother's Day while I sat outside my Grandmother's church and wrote about everything I saw around me. I also spent some time talking with a Jamaican shyster. In our short exchange I learned that he had 8 kids, considered himself a Rasta, wanted to get in my panties, was all about "young girls" but wanted to marry a woman 40+ who could support him financially, despised his youngest son's babymama of 7 weeks because she was a. unfortunate looking and b. a p/t lesbian. We had to cut the conversation short when he lit a cigarette. I can only take so much, after all.

Back to my elephant - I sent out an email to friends and family a month ago asking if I could or should fire myself from my job. It's not much fun, you know, and I like action and results. I understand life has plenty of plateaus but living on a plateau is not much fun. Nor is having someone's foot in your neck. I've been living with both. I suppose I'll have to take it all one moment at a time. I've lost my sense of optimism about work, though, and the joy I found in returning to society and my vocation has dissipated. I've even considered putting together my resume and shopping it.

We'll see. If nothing else, shopping my resume would be fun and a way to meet new people. I'd like to meet new people, they are entertaining most of the time.

And now, for your daily dose of Obama: