Thursday, February 21, 2008

I’m starting to lose faith

I’m starting to lose faith
Oh Amy Winehouse. I've been playing your record for a long-ass time. And you're giving soul music a bad name right now.

You can't sing live. That's the basic requirement for soul music. Not the rnb bullshit they play on the radio with synthesizers, not the "nu pop" of britney spears pedophile-type stuff, but soul music. The gutbucket. You put out a gutbucket album, bitch, be able to sing that shit live!

Hiking your skirt up to your cooch in the first 4 bars is not going to distract from the fact that you're OFF KEY and OFF BEAT. Bad, bad, bad. Singing in front of big crowds is difficult, no arguing that. But a shitload of performers have met their obligations high, drunk or any combination of the two in the past. That's the best love you're likely to get for a long time.

Don't be a Dionne Warwick. If you were at the Apollo, Sandman would be dancing circles around your ass. So disappointing. My only hope is that you will be a Mariah Carey and use two years learning to sing live, then go on a concert tour. Take your junkie husband with you if you want, I don't much care, but learn how to sing live. A good album is nice. A good performance is real.

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