It's like going to a bath house, all calming and luxurious. And here I am two winks from falling off the edge of conciousness. good lord...today 16 people looked at my blog. What on earth are ya'll looking for? I have no juicy gossip - okay, I'm lying, I always have juicy gossip, but I'm too sleepy to pass it along.
For the past couple of days I've been thinking a lot about discipline. The profile pic I have up now is from my 2nd birthday (knobby knees were SO in in 1980!) and the man beside me,leaning down trying to get me to participate in my 2nd birthday festivities is my father. I think I called him Daddy back then, now it's Papa, but in my head he's always Daddy. Anyway, he's been in martial arts since he was 10 - nearly 50 years now. And he's always been an extremist of discipline - of the mind, body and spirit. It's difficlt to be the child of such a person. The most mortifying moments of my life were spent in class with my father, the Sensei, after having been introduced as his child and feeling as though I should know something beyond saying "Hi-Ya!" as everyone else flipped, turned, rolled and blocked.
My Stepfather is a career military man. and a Nazi at that. Oh, the discipline I have known. And now, at 28, i find myself returning to discipline as a way of life. I threw off the mantle of "what i know is right" somewhere in the junior year of college - i was 19 or 20 and decided it was high time to make up my own rules. I've always been fond of making up my own rules, but I wanted to take the rule-making to all new levels. And here i am, returning to the discipline that I despised so much as a child growing up. I know the way to do things and slowly I am returning to those ways.
There is great peace in finding your path again.
Anyway, part of my thoughts on discipline came from one of the most unlikely sources - socialite and rich old lady supreme Brooke Astor. Mrs. Astor is at the middle of a truly unfortunate and disgusting elder abuse scandal at the moment. Her son left her in a New York flat with very little nursing care, if any, and she's 104 years old. She is now in the care of Oscar de la Renta and his wife while charges are being brought against the son and his wife (maybe grandson, at 104...)
Anyway, in this wonderful book by Bruce Weber - the photographer who 'discovered' Talisa Soto, exalted Kate Moss, and worshipped the sculpted male physique (praise GOD!) of athletes and models alike - Mrs. Astor has a page in which she reflects on her life. She says she has been spared no pain, no heartache, no discord but somewhere along the line she found although her surroundings could not be controlled SHE could be disciplined in the face of all that occurred around her.
In light of her present situation it rings ever more poignant. But, really, that's the essence of it, isn't it? Life slings shit right, left and center. You can't escape the crap parts of life, especially if you really want to relish the beauty and pleasure of life, such as bath water that smells edible and transports you to another place and time. However, you can exert within yourself a certain amount of discipline, a resolve that you will behave and treat yourself in such a way that no thing will dissuade you from your chosen path.
Discipline is essential for the soul. I hope I don't forget that when life eases up again.
"Discipline" by Brook Astor - http://www.beliefnet.com/story/78/story_7876_2.html
Discipline
I am old and I have had
more than my share of good and bad.
I've had love and sorrow, seen sudden death
and been left alone and of love bereft.
I thought I would never love again
and I thought my life was grief and pain.
The edge between life and death was thin,
but then I discovered discipline.
I learned to smile when I felt sad,
I learned to take the good and the bad,
I learned to care a great deal more
for the world about me than before.
I began to forget the "Me" and "I"
and joined in life as it rolled by:
this may not mean sheer ecstasy
but is better by far than "I" and "Me."
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