Rearranging again...

So, i was thinking last night that my whole life has more than a soundtrack, it's just musical. Sometimes the music doesn't work out so well, and I can always tell when I'm going in the wrong direction because I stop discovering new sounds.

Right now I'm hopeful and optimistic and I feel as though I could fix the world. At least until I got bored with fixing the world, then I'd leave it half-done and move on to the next adventure. I know me quite well.

My favorite albums of the moment are Adele's 19 and N.E.R.D.'s Seeing Sounds. Both albums allow my mind to wander down interesting paths. I think a lot of things I've done and things I want to do. Adele is more "things I've done" and N.E.R.D is more "things I want to do."

Hey! There is an ad for Sirius radio as the banner on the myspace page! Fawkin' A! I want satellite radio. I can't decide, actually, it seems like fun but whenever I have a rental car or I'm jackin' around with my friends' satellite radio I think I'd rather have a serious iPod hookup in my car. Top that I am (heh, heh, heh).

So, there is this lyric:

Daydreamer,
sitting on the sea,
soaking up the sun,
he is a real lover,
making up the past and
feeling up his girl like hes never felt her figure before

*This one tends to punch me in the stomach. Which is interesting because, well, who wants to get punched in the stomach AND to compound the oddness of the feeling, it's the first lyric on the first song of the album. WTF. It always makes me think of every single suave lover I've ever had. The ones with deep emotional disturbances and hooded eyes. Those lovers who make promises in barely-audible whispers and look genuinely surprised when I hit the road in lieu of turning a blind eye to other girls/guys whatever. Or, worse, when I decided good for the goose is good for the gander and didn't bother to lie when asked what I'd been up to.

Okay, and another lyric (in the same vein, but from different song)

Why is it everytime I think I've tried my hardest
It turns out it ain't enough cause you're still not mentioning love
What am I supposed to do to make you want me properly?
I'm taking these chances and getting nowhere
And though I'm trying my hardest you back to her
And I think that I know things may never change
I'm still hoping one day I might hear you say

I make you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you

*Yeah, this one is a real specific memory. I was soooo crazy about this blue-eyed Brit, it was unexpected and instantaneous. I had to have it. So I go jumping of the cliff of lust and I'm having a fabulous time, but at the oddest times the ex-girlfriend would get mentioned. Like, upon waking in bed together. Or on my birthday (just after the ex's). Then there was the whole "well, you can't be a good person cause you two share the same star sign." Officially, as a Scorpio, I do not need to be held responsible for someone else's shit cause I am perfectly capable of stirring up my own. VERY capable. But, hey, most of the relationship was great. Amazing and exciting. Then there was the mildly devastating announcement that "they" were talking about getting back together. This, I knew, was hogwash. Me and the ex-girlfriend had people in common, I knew who and what she was doing and what she would not be doing (that relationship again). So, I had to walk away. I wished I could hear "I don't want her, I want you" but instead I knew those words weren't for me.

I was not the one.

Well, those are my ruminations for the night. Comments are always welcome...