Fighters

Fighters
"Fighters"
(feat. Matthew Santos)

[Chorus:]
When the fighters are all around
All the lovers are underground
No one will save you anymore
So what's happening, what you rapping about?
little boy. Is it cars? Is it girls? Is it money?
The world?

[Verse 1]
Or is it something they can never believe?
Or is it something you can never achieve?
Is it
Beyond your means?
Is it
Inside your dreams?
Can it
Never come out cause it's scared to
Unprepared to
Too worried about the words of the people it's weird to
You don't want them to hear you
You just wish there was a door that would appear that you can go disappear through
Well I'm feeling your pain
I was feeling the same
But I said I'd never feel that again

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
Man
I really miss my pops
Hope that God watches over him and that he's on top
That there is no more disease and that he's alright
That he's one of the generals inside the army of the light
And grandma, you know I had to bite something from you
So after every show it's "peace, and much love to you"
Auntie Tweetie's on the way, please look out for that girl
I know we'll meet again, so it's never me against the world

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I hope that God forgive us, all of us sinners
Turn us back into beginners, put us up where the winners go
Holy apartments in the gardens in which the rivers flow
Thank you for all your blessings and all of your miracles
I thank all my fans and all my supporters
Shout out to Bishop G, congrats on your new baby daughter
I tip my hat to all my family and friends
Now we just got one more to go
L - U - P - END

What can I say? It's on my mind. Some KrAZy movie with Dennis Rodman is on the tube, but I've had a day. Last night I had my moral compass challenged. Actually, my moral compass has been getting dicked around consistently lately. I know where my moral center is, but other people keep coming along and they make honest attempts to turn me around.

It's not that I'm unmovable as much as I have a desire for something specific. Mostly the desire centers around moving my life in a different direction, which I won't do until I'm somehow finished with whatever this is that I do most of the time. I fantasize a lot about getting my act cinched tightly, writing daily on some interesting work, shopping it, finding my voice as a writer.

It's well and good to fantasize, but in the meantime I'm not writing a damn thing. I'm past feeling lukewarm about the writing class and into the realm of non-attendance. This was not my intention. I certainly don't spend hundreds of dollar on something just so that I can skip. This is not, after all, college and I am not a scholarship student burning someone else's money. It's my change.

I don't think it says much about the class that over half the participants have dropped it.

An aside - i have not been to Paris, New York or Miami in a painfully long time. I talk to myself in French, which is ever-so-tragic and quite lonely-making.

Lately I've been fighting a lot. Well, I guess that's my nature. i'm always up to my eyeballs in something, I like it better that way. As long as the something changes periodically, i feel pretty good about things. All last year i got cut apart and sewn together. this year I'm doing similar operations on the business I work for.

You know, I sound kind of impressive when other people talk about me. My sister told someone I manage a multi-million dollar company, which is true on it's face, but mostly that involves me trying not to cock up the company, building flimsy allegiances and budgeting like a a new fool.

It's not exciting stuff in the least. it can be interesting, but not exciting. We won't even roll our eyes over my compensation (or lack thereof). I mean, i read industry standards on compensation and stuff and I seriously wonder "what in the HECK am I doing wrong?"

I've been driving a borrowed convertible sports car for about a week and it's the life. Truly. Sun shining, fast car, top down...that's me with the hair whipping everywhere, smiling my fool head off. The moments speeding down the highway blasting Prince's "Purple Rain" album are some of the happiest moments I know. They are magic moments, I feel so good and lovely, as though the heaven's have opened and are smiling at me.

If I didn't have those little moments I might go homicidal on fools.

Ciao!