Margarita Jell-O with a splash of Silver Patron

Yeah, I'm on the "alleviate all pain" program. You would be, too, if you'd had my evening and morning. A lot of times in college my friends in engineering talked about their professors giving it to them up the ass without vasoline or the simple courtesy of playing a Barry White album. yeah, well, I can relate, but in reverse. My doggone "exit" system is on the fritz in such a major way. I have a bladder infection - urine is torture. All other activities left me with the distinct impression I was giving birth to twins - quintuplets - there was variation based on the amount of pain and potential for complete nervous breakdown.

But after two hours I decided I would not allow myself to be cowed by the staggering pain. I decided, sweating and panting in pure exhaustion on the bathroom floor, that I would push and labor until whatever was killing me inside came out. I figured I would feel better to get the monster out, no matter what had to be hemorraghed or torn. And since it was such an ordeal I also resolved that if anything essential accompanied the monster, I would try not to bleed out on the bathroom floor, but remain concious long enough to walk across the street and (hopefully) have them sew back in the missing part. Thank god for living across the street from a hospital.

After all was said and done, with a minimum of blood loss, I staggered to the couch with a fever, sweat running in cold rivulets down my face, had a valium and passed out for four hours. Upon waking I limped to my car and trundled to the urologists's office. He's a really nice doctor. And competent. That, for all those who don't spend much time with doctors, is a very, very rare combination. He's actually honest enough to say "well, I can't empathize with you on that." Honesty is refreshing and sometimes nothing with replace it. Anyway, he gave me the good news that I've developed a bladder infection. I wonder if this is like death, you know how they say it travels in threes. Are my exascerbated symptoms going to come in multiples of three? This is madness and very, very funny, even when I'm being tortured by my own body, it's very very funny. There are moments when I wonder "why didn't I ever get myself a raging drug addiction? I could go through withdrawal for all this drama." Or I think "for this amount of pain I have earned my place in heaven."

And, I learned in an email today, that March is Endometriosis Awareness Month. Hurray! I now have anohter club to join - the "Women in Perpetual Pain" club. I'm racking up the honorary memberships: The People Columbus Killed with the Pox Club, the "We didn't land of Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us club," the "My gender is greater in numbers but still used as carpet for others to walk on club," and the "Victims of intraracial Colorism Contingent." Woo. Thankfully most of these gorups don't charge dues. I wouldn't be able to pay, what with $20,000 of surgery on the horizon.

Lord, the fever is back. i'm hot as all get out. Must turn on the A/C.