Hollaback Robin...

So, I've moved down to my dad's house for a little R&R. My petite soeur says I'm having "celebrity-style rehab" with three other people waiting and watching on me, peaceful and expansive surroundings, and no financial obligation. I'm not opposed to this. It's actually a milestone that made me cry when I finally arrived last night because this was the point at which I knew *before surgery* that I would be healing.

So, I'm healing. It's righteous.

Anyway, my parents have this game cock. Maybe he used to fight, I don't know, I would fight with him, he'd kick my ass. He's nearly my height and just as beautiful as they come - gorgeous colors. Well, as a rooster he's prone to making a fair amount of noise in the mornings He starts at four a.m. and serenades the rising sun until about 7 or 8, then he rests his vocal cords and gives a lunch concert - much abridged - for an hour around noon.

Usually I spend that 4-5 a.m. time period thinking of chicken recipes. This morning, though, I was up before he started crowing and since I'd had 5 hours of continuous sleep and felt perky I eagerly awaited his crow. I had some other music on and began remixing the rooster in my half-sleep state. It was awesome for about five minutes, then he faltered.

The frickin rooster faltered! He lost his tone, there was no pride in his voice, he was crowing sotto voce! It killed me. So I turned off my music thinking perhaps I was doing the impossible and drowning his loud ass out. No sucha thang. He was just barely audible and my room is not 100 ft. from his pen and I usually hear him like some harman kardan speakers are involved at close proximity.

So, I started coaching him, mentally. It's very entertaining to do vocal coaching for a rooster. I was thinking I might be able to produce a youtube video on the subject. This idea I get from Neil Gaiman since his episode of bat training was so ingeniously captured and distributed.

I (mentally) encouraged Robin the Rooster on the topics of phonation, intonation, breathing techniques and finally I just flat out said (to myself) "Sing BIRD, SING!!!!"

He failed miserably. Like any good svengali I was not deterred and decided to do what the best of them do when the talent is lacking talent: I created a remix. Remember that song "Hollaback Shawty?" Well, I decided Robin, being red and slightly shorter than an average adult human female, qualified and if he could just crow to the beat in my head we might have a winner.

He failed to pass muster today, but I have hope for the coming weeks. Get the rooster to crow on beat. I know he likes cherry tomatoes so I've got my incentive plan.

Wish me luck!!!