Dear Little Sisters,
I meant to write this letter and send it to you guys each - detailing what all I remember about each of you, how much I love you, how proud I am that you (individually and collectively) like and love me.
I was 11 when the first one of you was born. Ni-ni. I never called you that. I did toss you across the living room with Dad and you laughed and laughed and laughed at 6 months old. You have always been so beautiful and determined and fantastic. And Easy-going. You were the most laid-back baby on earth. It was funny because I was 12 and you were 1 and people always asked if you were my daughter, which i thought was f*cked up, but we were always together. You and me. You were the first person I loved in the biblical sense. There was nothing you could do in this life that I could not forgive you for (and you have tested me, little girl, you have certainly tested me). I felt as though my heart grew from nothing into bursting when you smiled at me. I knew from the time you were born that if the choice was your safe and health or my life, I would surrender my life with joy. I love you so very, very, very much. You've always known your own mind, you've always been compassionate and caring. Life will treat you well, you were born to be celebrated.
Caity-Poo. I never called you that. I was away when you were born, but i woke up out of a dead sleep the night you came into the world. Honest. I called from Germany to the States because I knew something MAJOR had happened. It had, you had come into the world! You've always been so cautious, especially with people. I figured I had to be halfway decent because by the time you were 4 you would let me read to you. I've had to earn your love and trust and that makes it all the more valuable to me. I've cherished this summer because I've had the chance to be your sister, your live-in-sick-as-hell-crazy-with-money-i-will-kill-that-boy sister. You are one of my closest friends and I just plain like you a whole lot. I think you're funny and you're so beautiful it's frightening (refer to I will kill that boy!). You are starting to find your way and I know you will do it with careful consideration and tentative steps. Every so often I may give you a shove or bribe to take action. The world needs you and is ready to love you. Work hard, resist the urge to do "just enough" because you are better than that.
Biscuit. Okay, I do call you that. You were the surprise baby. I learned about you the Christmas before you were born. It was scary. Another baby??? I didn't know if my heart could deal with loving more, I worried for 6 months if I could take the responsibility of loving yet another child. Then you were born. and you looked for all the world like a doll. A breathing doll. Turned my world upside down. Then you were cranky. 24/7 cranky. I had to work for a smile. And that was probably gas! Oy Vey! You became the center of my life and you didn't even care. You wouldn't say my name until you were two (and you started talking at 9 months or so, sheer determination is your trademark). You called me "her" or "that girl." Talk about having to earn someone's love! Good god. But you were funny and crazy smart. And high-strung. You cried when you were 3 because you couldn't read and the two big sisters could, and the parents could - it's difficult to be the baby. So, you taught yourself to read. Just to keep up. You're lovely. You're so lovely. Beautiful in appearance, but lovely of heart and soul. I know you feel alone a lot, but you have no idea how much I am there with you, in all the silent moments of uncertainty and emotional distress, I'm right there. Cause i love you girl.
to my big sister: you always did your best to protect me. life pulled us apart so early, but to me you are the icon of beauty and savvy. i always wanted to grow up and be called "sweetie." unfortunately i'm so harsh no one ever got us confused. I dared to dream, though, i dared to dream.
My sisters, I love you so much. To the babies: I pledged my life to you with each of your births. I cannot make life easier for you, but I can be here to support, love, protect and push you through life. You are all so beautiful, creative, wonderful, determined and ADORED. You are adored, not just by me, but by all who meet you. You are each funny and unique and wonderful. Thank you for choosing to come into my life, you have each made me a better person and you make it worth it to be alive when I might have given up in the past.
I adore you.
~Camille
No comments:
Post a Comment