I call it liking a routine, but really, it's more a sign that I have an obsessive personality - the way I live my life. I like to squeeze all the yummy out of things and then repeat the activity day after day after day. As long as it's good, I'm coming back. I used to hang in there once it got bad, but eventually I figured out that (especially with people) once things go bad, it's time to be out.
So, some things I've been addicted to and gone back day after day...
1 - the person I married. I don't know why. I think there were drugs involved, but I didn't do any drugs at that time. Maybe the drug was a potent mixture of fear and freedom, that's pretty heady stuff. once I was drained, I got left and I've since spent not a small amount of time making sure I'm not found again.
2 - the damn movie quiz on facebook. I think i just wasted an hour on it. But it's amazing to realize how many movies I've watched and how much of my brain has been spent recording the minutae of someone else's vision. Amazing.
3 - my friends. I go through withdrawal and the DTs when they leave me alone too much.
4 - My latest addiction has been my penpal. It's been so much fun to have someone to chat with who is new and fresh and slighty lunatic and has an interesting outlook on life. Unfortunately my penpal is not writing today and it's driving me mildly crazy. Penpal WRITE!!!! I like looking in on the thoughts of others.
5 - Ghiradelli Dark chocolate bars. This is a strange addiction because I've been off chocolate for about a year now. I used to love the stuff, but the chocolate pudding in the hospital tasted like fecal matter and nothing could make me forget that flavor. However, after the car accident the other night, I needed something to act as an anti-depressent and cacao actually fits the bill, so I had to get something in my system and 75% cacao Ghiradelli Dark chocolate bar helped me through the night. Now, I eat a square a day. Doesn't taste like fecal matter. Before all this i only liked milk chocolate. odd how tastes change.
6 - Alice smith. Metallica. Guns n roses. Talib Kweli. Luther Vandross. Citizen Cope. Azure Ray. Boy George. Amy Winehouse. Sam Cooke. Sam Cooke. Sam Cooke. Sam is better than morphine on so many levels.
The other side of addiction/obsession is getting let down, let go, or deciding you gotta stop the habit. I have a song for that, wanna hear it? Here it go:
rain is gone i feel the wind
brightest stars shinin in
a new life for love has come through
wish i had the words to describe
ridged feelings im so alive
let me tell you what i gained since leaving u
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
definately heaven
and a sunny day
feels just like heaven
and a sunny day
basically heaven
and a sunny day
no more breathing down my back
not too sure how to act
or even waitin for you to say i love you(i love you)
ill kiss myself and say a prayer
and feel the point of lovin when you were here
lovin me means more to me then losin' you
yeah, i heard that song, it's all acoustic guitar and birdies in the background and I exhaled. I'd finally found the closure song. Prior to that it was Testify by Dianne Reeves, but then i screwed around and dated her drummer and he totally ruined my Dianne jones. It's taken years for me to separate the fact that he's on her albums with my enjoyment of said albums. Even the ones he's NOT ON. bah.
Now I'm going to end this blog and see if my penpal has found time to write. Then I will got to sleep mildly disappointed because I know the penpal hasn't written. No one has as much time on their hands as I do...
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