Okay, I'm back. Nothing much has happened. I did cook dinner for myself after a nice cathartic cry. Some real woe-is-I stuff went on and then, as usual, it passed because well, I can't stay sad that long. Plus, I have my giggly little sister Nyira in the house with me and she gets tickled so easily that I can't stay angry with her around. It's hard to be upset when someone is chuckling merrily beside you. I learned a long time ago not to even bother, it's pointless.
Right now I'm mildly disgruntled because my abdomen hurts and is wrapped like a frickin' mummy. They opened all my incisions and did things through them. I'm very fortunate, I don't have a smiley face (huge half-moon incision) across my abdomen, it's just three half-inch marks and then a full inch incision in my belly button. the half-inchers actually fade into non-existence after about a year and a half. I can't even find them once they have faded. the belly button scar sticks. But, I've been having such a great time since my second to last surgery for the ileostomy, healing steadily, building strength, feeling good - that being slapped back into just a corner of the post-op vulnearbility more or less pisses me off. I'm tired, I nap in three-hour stretches. This is normal post-op behavior, but no longer normal Camille behavior. I think this is callled cognitive dissonance, what my brain wants and what the reality of my situation is are at odds. Mmmm. maybe some subject verb confusion in that last sentence. let's blame it on the painkillers, though.
Happy Feet ended up being a sneaky "message" movie. I'm all ready to start sending my funds to greenpeace because of the tap dancing penguin Mumble. I did enjoy Brittney Murphey in this movie. i think she's one of my favorite young talents. Her raspy voice and doe-eyes are great modes of communication. I loved her in Sin City, which is very nearly in my pantheon of favorite movies of all-time. Brittney kicks ass, but she maintains a pretty low-profile. she's doing her damn thing and I give respect to that.
Okay, all this sitting up has me feeling winded and my arm is going numb. Frick Frack Frick. I'll be relieved or some equivilent emotion when all of this is over. I do mean ALL of it, too. When every surgery is done, when all the healing is complete and I know what it means to be a healthy human being with and interesting medical history, I cannot imagine what my life will be like. Hopefully it will closely resemble my life in Heavenly Acres - calm, reflective, filled with observation of funny events and participation in activities with people I love.
I dare to dream at this point. I dare to dream.
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