I don't ever want to drink again - I just -oooh - I just need a Friend

Well, I just got the wind knocked out of me. I've been making all these plans for the surgery of the century or at least the last half-decade - I just learned that I would be footing the entire bill. I thought - oddly enough - that I was in a partnership and we would we partnering in getting me better, but I think my partner has decided to do something else with his funding.

I mean, there is property in St. Lucia and his retirement to think about.

"I'll be some next man's other woman soon."

this is an Angry Blog. No matter how many cliche's there are "you come in alone, you go out alone" when you tie your raft to someone else's it's hard to believe when you find out the other rafter has been hiding a store of beef jerky they don't want to share or something like that.

Look, even my metaphors are fucked today. It's 3:08 am est, midnight + 8 PST - really, for all of this i could have stayed in san francisco on someone's couch and figured things out without all the stress and the changing.

but i suppose the purpose ofthe exercise was stress and changing. and I am a better person. Though i'm disappointed, hurt, angry and probably won't get a lick of sleep this evening (he snores peacefully next to me) I can face this challenge without skipping a beat or delaying my procedure. And for a number of weeks I won't even be aware of his presence enough to really resent the position he left me in on the 11th hour.

"do me good and all this craziness will disappear"

well, i have to go marshall my resources. my final question of the night: why do men think women require less money than they do to enjoy life? that truly flummoxes me. And why do men expect women to do more with fewer resources.

specifically - why my man. and if i find myself in this situation, is he my man or just a warm body with a pulse that makes me laugh on occasion.

questions at 3 am...i want a drink and a darvocet and a valium. but i wouldn't even sleep then, its easier to be sleepless and see the proctologist in what can only be described as a truly *fine* mood.

"It's not enough you love blow and I love Poe"

GoodMorning Life.